it is not easy

it's not easy.

it's not easy.

it's not easy.



when you want to know the truth and it reveals.

it hurts.

i know and am trying to cope with it.



p.s: dear, there are lots of people suffer more than you. be thankful!!!!

25th April 2020

Lots of people know what to do, but few people actually do what they know.

- Anthony Robbins-

Alhamdulillah. I feel good. To be where I am today is something that I will appreciate the most. It is something that I will never regret. Today, I attended C2E reunion. In fact, it is the first reunion for this particular program. The series of this program was really astounding and rejuvenate me. It was an eye opener that I can say change how I perceive things and I can see different perspectives of life with positive insights.

To be in a room with a humble and down to earth multi-millionaire, with several doctors, professors, motivators, tuan haji, expecting mother, professional photographers, bussineswomen and businessman was an opportunity to grab for. The feeling was like ooh lala..it could not be explained. I was like mesmerizing every single person with every achievements they have. This is the power of visualizing. I believe if we visualize good things, good things will come to us.

Later, towards the end of the program, I have been given several opportunities to make my dreams come true. To be with humble people, it will be a waste if we did not use the chances given, thus, we have to dig every single opportunities and chances that might be good for us. I am glad to be in that crowd. Alhamdulillah, it is a good stepping stone for me and my friends. It will be a good starting point in our life too. InsyaAllah.

Thank you for all the wishes and the doa. May Allah bless us. Amin.


p.s: I am looking forward another 10 years in Mecca. InsyaAllah.

14 tahun dah pandai rogol.

KUALA LUMPUR: Seorang pelajar perempuan Tingkatan Dua sebuah sekolah di Rawang yang dirogol rakan sekelasnya dalam bilik darjah, minggu lalu, bukan saja disahkan sudah mengandung sebulan, malah sebatang pensel sepanjang empat sentimeter turut ditemui dalam kemaluannya.

Timbalan Ketua Polis Daerah Gombak, Superintendan Rosly Hassan, berkata berdasarkan hasil laporan pemeriksaan hospital yang diterima semalam, polis percaya mangsa sudah lama dijadikan bahan pemuas nafsu beberapa pelajar serta didera sewaktu diperkosa.

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* * *

Entri ini mungkin cliche. Tapi aku tak peduli. Aku perlu berkongsi dengan semua. Aku marah dan aku kecewa. Apa nak jadi dengan remaja sekarang? Kecik-kecik lagi dah pandai rogol anak orang. Sudah dirogol, dimasukkan pensel dalam kemaluan pulak tu. Kenapa sampai begitu kejam? Sedih bila mengenangkan mereka ini lah yang akan menjadi pemimpin masa depan. Jika ini lah perangai nya, mampu kah mereka menjadi ketua yang berhemah??

Aku marah dan aku kecewa. Teringat zaman-zaman aku mengajar di sekolah menengah lelaki yang mana aku selalu bersendirian di dalam kelas yang penuh dengan remaja-remaja lelaki. Yang adakala dikepung, ditahan, dikacau seksuali dan lain-lain lagi. Syukur Alhamdulillah aku telah selesai dengan selamatnya. Namun, aku risau bilamana mengenangkan nasib anak-anak ku kelak. Terjaminkah masa depan mereka di sekolah? atau dimana sahaja mereka berada? Perlukah aku didik mereka dirumah sahaja? Tapi mampukah aku? Owh! terlalu banyak yang perlu difikirkan. Jauh lagi untuk untuk mencari salah dan menunding jari. Sama-samalah kita renungkan dan ambil iktibar..

.lambat doa.

aku bukan sesiapa.
aku bukan hebat.
aku juga tidak layak.
aku tidak mampu memberi.
lagi tidak mampu untuk menerima.

namun aku ialah aku.
aku bukan kau.
aku tidak mahu menjadi kau.
aku juga tidak perlu kau.
kau tidak perlu risau.

aku tidak perlu kau untuk berdiri.
aku tidak perlu kekuatan kau untuk kuat.
aku tidak perlu berada di sisi kau untuk lebih menyerlah.
aku tidak takut.
aku tidak gentar.

kau hiduplah seperti mana kau mahukan.
aku tidak akan kisah.
cuma aku akan tetap doakan.
doa agar kau hidup selamat.

inspirasi doa: Izlin Mohd Ghazali

thank you.

I am thankful with everything I have. Like I said in previous entry, I could not ask for more. Every single thing and every single soul means a lot. I have no regrets in knowing and having them as mine. Alhamdulillah.

Yesterday was extremely fun and memorable one. I will treasure it the whole of my life. I was indeed (happily) crying last night as it makes me realized that there will be no more of April 17th 2010. And, rather sad as it will be the last time I will be spending my birthday with all the dearest as a whole.

No matter what, this is the reality that I have to live with. These are the things that make me as who I am today. I have learnt a lot and I am still learning. Experience is the best teacher and I am totally believe in that.

Thank you for the celebrations. Thank you for all the wishes. Thank you for all the prayers. Thank you for the love and care. I am full with happiness and love.

p.s: thank you akak for the lovely entry. love you lots!!!

before it ends

Everyone,

I had fun today...

indeed, so much fun...

InsyaAllah, i will remember today forever...

THANK YOU SO MUCH...

I love each and every of you my dear!!!



p.s: and yes, it is getting harder for me to let you go...sayang kamu :)

Congratulationsssss!!!!

CONGRATULATIONS BEBEH!!!!!

WE KNOW YOU CAN DO IT!!!

I LOVE YOU BEBEH!!!

A LOT!

LET'S CELEBRATE~

p.s: hehe..jom teman i jalan-jalan, puhlisss :)

Pra Graduasi 2010

Semuanya indah. Makan Malam Pra Graduasi 13 April 2010 yang akan aku kenang sampai bila-bila. Aku bersyukur diberikan peluang ini. Jika tidak aku gunakan, mungkin juga tiada peluang kedua untukku. Walaupun kadang-kadang apa yang kita rancang tidak akan semua yang mengikut perancangan tapi susunan dariNya lebih indah. Percaturan yang dibuat lebih kemas. Aku tidak akan pernah menyesal. Sepanjang masa di dalam dewan Kelab Darul Ehsan akan tersemat kemas di sanubari. Akan aku rindui dan mungkin juga tangisi. Sedar tidak sedar sudah 5 tahun aku berada di pentas ini. Terlalu banyak kenangan untuk dicoretkan atau dilakarkan. Walau aku tidak mampu untuk menzahirkan namun dihati ini Dia yang lebih tahu. Aku dewasa disini, aku melihat dunia ini dari perspektif ini. Aku mahu terus menikmati hidup ini dengan penuh warna-warna. Aku mahu warnakan lembaran hidupku dengan warna-warna yang ceria. Aku tidak mahu yang kelam dan yang kusam.

Diberi peluang untuk mengenali setiap insan yang aku kenal pada hari ini, setelah bertahun kita bersama, membuatkan aku lebih mengerti. Tipu jika aku tidak sedih untuk bergerak kehadapan memilih haluan hidupku nanti. Kalian juga punya agenda kehidupan sendiri. Kita tidak akan berada dilandasan ini selamanya dan bersama-sama. Aku dengan hidupku, kamu dengan hidupmu. Namun, itu bukan penghalang tali perhubungan silaturahim yang terjalin antara kita. Ia tetap akan tersimpul rapi jika kita benarkan. Perhubungan ini ibarat sepohon pokok yang perlu disiram dan dibaja untuk terus kekal hidup dengan sempurna. Begitu juga dengan kita semua. Maka sirami dan bajai perhubungan kita agar terus hidup dengan mekarnya.

Aku mungkin terlalu pemikir. Tetapi aku perlukan perancangan untuk aku tempuh hari-hari terakhir kita bersama kerana aku takut aku akan rebah dan tidak sempat disambut. Aku takut untuk menghadapinya kerana aku kurang yakin bahawa aku mampu untuk melaluinya. Aku gentar jika aku lemah tidak berdaya. Kerna aku sudah terlalu sayangkan kalian semua. Bukan senang untuk menipu lebih-lebih lagi sukar untuk menipu perasaan sendiri. Tapi tidak mengapa, aku dan kita semua akan mudah belajar untuk menerima kenyataannya bukan? Aku perlu percaya bahawa ini adalah antara warna-warna terindah dalam kanvas hidupku. Kamu semua, selepas ini, kita adalah seorang dewasa yang punya tanggungjawab atas diri kita sendiri. Pergilah, hadapilah masa-masa depanmu seperti mana kita dari bertatih kita belajar untuk merangkak, berjalan dan terus berlari. Aku tahu dan aku percaya kita akan berjaya. Aku doakan untuk semua kita. Semoga sepanjang 5 tahun bersama mampu menjadi bekalan antibiotik dikemudian hari.

p.s: masih terus berdoa. terima kasih atas segala peluang yang diberi. aku sayang kamu semua.

p.s.s: Jodoh Pertemuan, Ajal Maut semua ditentukan olehNya.

owh dear!

owh my dear,

do you know that

you make it hard for me to let you go...

but that's okay..

do not worry as the time comes,

i will let you go.. I WILL!

"Letting go isn't about giving up. It's about accepting that there are things that cannot be." (Anonymous)

"We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned,so as to accept the life that is waiting for us. " (Joseph Campbell)

please stay.

“Na, thank you. I appreciate you being friends with me. Never could have asked more.”
(MSMS, 10 April 2010)

Alhamdulillah. I am happy and satisfied with my life. I could have never asked for more, too. I believe when we do good things to others, eventually good things will come for you. The same goes to ‘kasih sayang’. When we kasih and sayang, let it be sincere and not hoping for any paybacks. Kasih and sayang people around you, appreciate them, be fair to them and you will be happy. For me, being fair is by putting something to its own place. To relate with people around us, being fair does not mean that we have to give the same amount of kasih and sayang to each and every of them. But, we have to be able to give them appropriately according to their own place. I sayang each and every of my friends, but maybe the treatment will not be the same, NEVER. I am sorry for that. It is just about the feeling may be the same but the way I show it may be different.

I love making people happy. I love to see their smile when something surprises them. I love to see they are excited over something. I love them when they dream big. I love them the way they are. I would do anything to make it happened. Nothing would stop me, InsyaALLAH. As long as they are happy, I will be happier than that. However, nothing will last forever. To think about the end of my journey is just a corner stone, I kind of unhappy. The thought of losing them, terrified me. But, I believe that this is not the end of the road. It is just a branch where it will lead us to various roads out there. So, I have to be well prepared that they are not leaving but finding their own purpose of living in this world. I must be proud and support them. Well, people come and go but friendship stay, and I believe in that. By the way, this post should be dedicated to someone though that person might not read this. That person is one of my best friends.

Dear you, we argue. We sometimes fight. We sometimes have different views. We sometimes get mad with each other. We sometimes get annoys with each other. But that does not matter. What matter to me is that you are someone that I can depend on, trust and someone who believes in me. I do not care what people may think about us. I do not care if you are using me. I do not care. What I care most is that you are the person I knew long time ago. You make me cry. You make me laugh. You make my life more colorful. Dear you, Thank you for accepting me the way I am. Thank you for be able to stand with me all these while. Thank you for being a great friend. Thank you for being a great listener. Thank you for being a good motivator. Thank you for being a great bank where you have to listen and keep all my stories. Thank you for just being there when I need you the most. Nothing else will I pray for you except for your happiness. I am looking forward and hoping you will find your true happiness. I will be happy to see you happy with your life. I hope you will be able to achieve your dreams and I believe you can do it. Do not dwell a lot on your past, it is just a history for you to ponder and learn in order to be success. You have the charisma. You have the talent. You have something to share. You have something to offer. You will surely touch one’s life. I have faith in you and I will be waiting for the good news. All the best wishes my dear. InsyaAllah. Amin :)

Kau Ku Seru

sila datang kepadaku.

bersatu denganku.

bergabung tenaga.

agar aku dapat lepaskan semua ini dengan lebih sempurna.

aku sudah penat. fullstop.

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p.s: aku mahu bahagia seperti warna-warni yang penuh di alam semesta ini.

nota untuk diri 1: Jangan kamu lakukan sesuatu dengan harapan akan diberikan dengan lebih baik atau lebih kurang sama. Lakukanlah dengan seikhlas hati tanpa mengharap sebarang balasan agar kamu tidak terlalu sakit di kemudian hari.

nota untuk diri 2: Fahami orang-orang di sekeliling kamu, mereka juga dalam keadaan tertekan, semua manusia tidak akan pernah sempurna. Maafkan mereka kerna mungkin tidak pernah terlintas niat dihati mereka untuk menyakiti. Kamu yang terlalu sensitif!!

nota untuk diri 3: Hidup ini singkat dan tidak akan selalu indah, hayatilah sebaik mungkin :)

a good sign. better changes. a new hope.

Last night I dreamt. It was not about you nor you, but it is a good sign. I have not remembered any of my dreams for quite some times. But not until last night or I can considered it this morning. Due to my pending assignments and Academic Exercise, I have to work extra hard. I slept late---> early in the morning actually, around 6 am. And, I woke up early with lots of energy and positive aura. I was not stressed up and I came to class quite early (not as usual...hehe ;P).. And, now I am still happily kicking and alive at the library. It is awesome!!!

Alhamdulillah. It is great when we can communicate with our unconscious mind. It is wonderful when the conscious meet the unconscious and they are helping each other to make a better world.. eceh! So, let's hope and pray for me this spirit and situation will last long.

p.s:
I want it to stay forever. Have faith and believe in it.
InsyaAllah, everything is in your hand. Looking forward to the next session. :)

a whole new world

"Sesungguhnya Allah tidak mengubah apa yang ada pada sesuatu

kaum sehingga mereka mengubah apa yang ada pada diri mereka sendiri."

Surah Ar-Rad ayat 11.

Aku akan sentiasa berdoa dan berharap agar ditemukan sinar. Aku juga akan lebih berusaha. Namun jika itu takdir buat ku, maka aku akan terima dengan hati yang terbuka. Terima kasih diberikan satu peluang ini, semoga akan ada sinar buat aku dan juga buat semua.

Jangan menilai apa yang ada di luar tanpa mengetahui apa yang ada didasar nya (Mya Akmal, 2010). Mungkin apa yang kita nampak hanya cebisan rasa yang kita sendiri tidak tahu. Atau mungkin, apa yang kita lihat adalah sebalik rasa yang sebenar.

p.s: Mahu lebih positif dan melihat dunia dari pelbagai perspektif.

kalau dah sayang

i just got to realize that i am easily giving away my love toward others.

erkk!

is that one of my good qualities or it is a bad bad baddddd quality???

i am easy to be closed with but at the same time easily to get hurt.

complicated am i, yes I AM...

p.s: Do I have to find something/someone to chanel my love???hahaha..

kurang dominan??

Hurm...One of my closest friends said my future partner should be less dominant than me. According to him, I am dominant so it is preferable for me to have less dominant partner to neutralize the situation. But, I against that. For me, I want someone that is more dominant than me. I do not want to be neutralized but I want someone who is able to rationalize me. Someone who is able to walk the talk and not the one who is only talk the walk. I need someone who is capable in giving me the feeling of safeness, happiness and sweeetness. I need someone who can make me laugh, listen to my mumbling and rumbling without trying to hard to impress me. I want him to be simple and has his own belief and firm with it. He must be able to lead me and not the vice versa. And most of all, I need to have the feeling of being loved. By the way, to love and be loved is not easy.

Well, these are only my hopes. It will not necessarily fulfilled once you have fallen in love as we are blind when it comes to love. Note that, Love is NOT blind but we are. I just pray that there is someone that will bring me to the right path. So for now, it is not the time yet. But when the right time comes with the right man, InsyaAllah I will accept him with my open heart.


p.s: masih terus berdoa dan berharap :)