goes around

it is such a wonder when one's voice can make the world goes around.

the voice that can keep you smile from ear to ear without fail.

xoxo

homesick!!!

I wanna go home! I wanna go home! I wanna run away from all of these hustle and bustle of life. It is not that the place is too hectic, instead the place has a very tranquil scenery. I am surrounded with greenery views. There are paddy fields, palm oil trees, vineyard, dates palm plantations, cows, buffaloes, chickens and lots more to mention. But, the fact that I am lonely and the stress of my current job force me to go away from here. I need my family right here and right now. I miss every single thing that I could not have here in my place. I will not mention where I am at the moment as well as my position at work. I would just say I am in the teaching line. It would be inappropriate to mention all the details here. Maybe I will let it out later, maybe. At this moment, it just that I need some space to let my feelings be freed.

By the way, I love teaching. Don't get me wrong. It is an enjoyable experience as the process is like killing two birds with one stone. I am not only teach but at the same time I am learning. I learn a lot of lessons from my students, colleagues and the environment. It has broadened my views towards life that one would not able to get it in the mart or market. However, as life is full with colors, sometimes we are not able to run away from the dark colors. Lots of issues and problems that make the process turn to be bittersweet experiences. It is not easy to be the unknown where lots of our rights being denied. And, at the same time our energy is being used. This is not whining or maybe it is. But this is our right that I am talking about. Okay fine, close the case or else I might be sued.

Let's not talk about this. Let's talk about my excitement of going home tomorrow. InsyaAllah, tomorrow I will be driving back to Ipoh with my best friend. Please pray for our safety. I am excited and looking forward for the rise of tomorrow's sun shine all over the places. I wanna go back!!! You know what, I was not like this before. During my studying years, I was hardly going home even for long breaks. I rather stay or went to my aunt's house or even to work part time. At that time, I did not have all of these homesick symptoms. Not only that, I was not the type of child who call the parent regularly. That is just not me. However, as time goes by, with the number of age is increasing, the empty hole inside my heart, the cruel and pain of the world, thus people change. Yes, I am changing. Indeed, to the better one, insyaAllah. I am now closer to the family (Note: I am close to the family before). I go home every week or every alternate week, I call my parent regularly, I spend lots of time with them as possible as I could etc. Maybe because I am getting old and I have realized that family is the entity that we would turn to for whatever happens. Be it the bad thing or the happy moment, we will always have our family to rely on. Okay peeps, let's cherish the moment and appreciate people around us.

p.s: the time will come soon. very soon.

Dear John

Finally, I have the opportunity to watch this film, Dear John (2010). This film is an adaptation version of Nicholas Spark's novel with the same title. Basically, I know about this film from two different person. Both of them are my best friends. They claimed that the story is good as they have read the novel and watched the film. Though both of them have different reviews as they perceived it differently, but, it never fails to make me interested to have mine. I chose to watch the film as I don't have the book to read. And now, I make excuses for not reading the book. Great!!! I am not good in reviewing but basically the film revolves around the life of John and Savannah. They fall in love within two weeks before John has to go to serve the country as an army. And, at the same time Savannah has to complete another year of her college. Through out the year, they are connected with each other by using letters. They share their life stories by exchanging letters. So, if you would like to know whether their relationship survives or not, you really have to watch the film by yourself.

By the way, I cried while watching Dear John. It touched me especially for the scenes that involved John's father. Some people are just don't know how to express their feelings. They don't even know how to express love even though they deeply madly love the particular person or things. When John reads the letter that he wrote to his father, I cried a lot as it reminds me of my very own father. How I wish I have the chances to let him know that I love him soooo much like what John did. I am longing for his touch for so long. And, of cos I keep on thinking about you while watching the film. So for dear you, here is a short note for you.

Dear you,

If you read this, I just want you to know you are important to me. I keep on thinking about you day and night. I am worry about you that you would never able to imagine. I care for you to bits and pieces. I am praying for your happiness, always, as you mean a lot to me. I would rather be troubled by you than doing nothing to lift up your burden. I would cry, I would laugh and I would do anything for you. All I need is to feel important and be beside you no matter in what condition. I was hoping to hear from you but you didn't. I am kinda frustrated but knowing you, I know this is normal. I am used to it and I will try to get use to it again and again. You, Allah has plans for you and for all of us. He knows better. As cliche it would be, we know that things happen for reasons. Just bear with it and soon He will grant his promises. I believe in you and I know you'll do great! Be safe dear.

Yours truly.

layang-layang tanpa tali

bukan hanya setakat tidak bertali, ianya terbang tinggi di langit dengan tidak bertali. lalu terawang-awang mengikut angin yang bertiup. mencari hala tuju yang kurang pasti. mencari sinar yang mampu menyinari. mencari ruang yang mampu menampungi. lalu mencari sebuah harga diri. namun, sedang ia terbang di langit, hujan turun di tengahari. layang-layang itu parah disambar petir. lalu hangus terbakar lah ia menjadi serpihan-serpihan abu yang beterbangan ke bumi. dan jika masa itu tiba, salahkan lah semua kecuali dirimu.

p.s: salah tu, sebelum salahkan orang lain cuba selidik dulu diri sendiri. kadang-kadang kesalahan orang itu berpunca dari kecuaian kita juga.

tu lah, nak buat surprise la sangat!!!

alih-alih aku balik yang kene surprise.

kan dah padan muka.

rasakan lah perasaan bersalah yang menghantui kau!!

RASE BERSALAH SANGAT!!!!

BOOOOOO!

cemburu kah??

kadang-kadang tanpa kita sedar, kita telah membuatkan hati-hati di sekeliling kita gundah gulana.

tanpa sedar, ada kata yang bisa meruntun rasa. aku pelik. aku keliru. cemburukah dia? dia cemburukah? tapi jika betul rasa cemburu itu ada, syukur alhamdulillah. mungkin itu yang aku tunggu selama ini. tapi jika rasa itu hanya mainan perasaan aku, tak mengapa. aku masih punya waktu untuk berusaha.

aku sudah semakin kurang stabil. bantu aku bangkit semula.

airmata

salahkah untuk aku menitiskan airmata?
lemahkah kalau aku menangis?
bukan aku meminta simpati.
jauh sekali mahu menarik perhatian orang.
aku cuma mahu lepaskan segala lelah di hati.
segala gusar yang tiada insan mahu mendengar.
aku tahu aku hanya ada Dia.
tempat aku berharap.
tapi bila aku perlu ekspressi, biarkan aku menangis.
aku mahu menjeritttt~

p.s:mampukah jarak memisahkan??

bole jadi gila.

tekanan betol di kala zaman-zaman penandaan paper.

tambah tekanan bila tengok page orang yang tak sepatotnya.

*yang kau pegi bukak page dia buat ape??!!..haish!

oh! oh! oh! oh~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ikan bakaq

My friends and I went to have our dinner at Tanjung Dawai. We ate ikan bakaq, tomyam etc..

The foods were delicious and yummy.

I am thankful and praise to God for a bunch of awesome friends.

I am grateful for all the good friends that I have all these while.

I am lucky to be having lots of wonderful friends that influence me to be a good person, insyaAllah.

I am hoping that it will last forever.

Dear you, lots of things remind me of you.

I couldn't leave 'you' even for a while.

I can relate anything and anyone with you.

Even when I close my eyes, I am still thinking about you.

I am drowning over here.

*Poyo lah kau. haha.

p.s: mengenali kamu membuat aku rindu pada kamu yang jauh. adeh! kenapa baik sangat!

RINDUKAH??

ERK!!!

RINDU TU APE?

RINDU TU MACAM MANE EH?

AKU NI KATEGORI MERINDUI KE??

HAHAHA..

p.s: ni kesan-kesan dan tanda bahawa aku sudah muak tanda paper budak..isk!

sakit.

sakitnya rasa penyakit yang sakit ni.

tsk. tsk.

kepialu. according to her.

rase macam nak buat raya photoentry. tapi macam malas nak upload pics. mungkin later i will post one kot. by the way, the current state of mine sangat la xberapa stabil. especially in term of emotional state. macam-macam rasa ada. bercampur-baur. bersepah-sepah. berserabut. berselirat. sudah kurang kebolehan untuk menipu sang hati yang kian parah. kalau la ada antivirus atau ubat untuk penyakit aku ni, confirm aku rembat. aku sudah tak pandai behave. sumpah segan dan malu tau!

p.s: sket je lagi. bertahan dan berkayuh!

bulat hati

i think i've made up my mind.

it may hurt me.

it may hurt you.

or, it may not hurt you at all.

but, i need to make a move.

so that i will forget.

though it's not easy to totally vanish you,

at least u'll be set free.

i can't stop thinking about you.

and i can't lie anymore.

all i want is you to be happy.

and i don't want to be selfish.

one thing i want you to know,

it hurts me the most!!!!

Demi kau

Demi kau,

gunung tinggi sanggup ku daki,

lautan dalam sanggup ku renangi.

p.s: hati berdegup kencang kan cik mya. Thank you for being there!!!! Hati berbunga-bunga..

Raya Eve Everyone!!!

I hope that it is still not too late to wish Salam Aidilfitri to all. May this raya will be the happiest and prosperous raya ever. Maaf zahir batin.

This raya is the most hectic and packed with the ziarah raya from house to house. If only I am still a child, I could have lots and lots of duit raya. In my dreams..hahah! However, I am happy with this raya except that I did not able to feel the environment of celebrating hari raya at kampung anymore. My grandparents are now live near with the children. So that it will be easier for them to send my gramp to his every alternate days of dialysis. I miss beraya at kampung though the new place for the grandparents is just a corner stone from kampung.haha. I believe there will be hikmah for this especially with lots of bad things happened in our society these days. Anything is possible!!

Oh! This is the very first raya for my brother and in law as husband and wife. I am happy for them. Wonder when will be my time.hahah. With two cars and bigger family, there are six of us again after 6 years of being only 5 members of the family. Let's hope for this happiness will last forever. Amin.

::My Love::

p.s: It is getting complicated. I am now confused. Please help me to find the ways!!

Keliru

Jika kau keliru dengan hati kau, cuba lah kau duduk diam-diam dan muhasabah diri.

Hidup kau bukan berputar pada kau seorang saja.

Cuba fikirkan hati dan perasaan orang-orang sekeliling kau sekali.

Kalau pun orang-orang keliling kau buat tak kisah, tapi ada kau kisah pasal diorang.

Kalau kau tu budak-budak, mungkin la boleh dimaafkan lagi.

Tapi kau bukan muda remaja lagi, kau sudah mumaiyiz.

Kau sudah cukup matang untuk fikir mana yang baik dan mana yang kurang baik untuk kau.

Ingat, hidup ini bukan lama.

Ingatlah bahawa hidup ini dipinjamkan sekejap cuma.

Cuba tetapkan hati dan terima kenyataan.

Jangan lompat dari satu batu ke batu yang lain.

Kau jugak yang merana nanti.

Jangan lupa, bukan kau seorang yang merana.

ORANG-ORANG YANG SAYANG KAU JUGAK MERANA.

Alhamdulillah

Akhirnya, setelah bertungkus lumus dan memendam rasa dapat jugak aku beraya dengan tenang hati. Gembira sangat. Boleh la balik dengan hati berbunga-bunga.

*oh! oh! oh! balik kampung! oh! oh! oh! balik kampung. hati girang..*

p.s: dalam hati ada rindu. haish!

Nak Senyum Sepanjang Hari.

SENYUUUUUMMMMMM.

HAPPPYYYYY.

BAHAGIAAAAAAA.

Walau tahu rasa ini tidak akan lama, tapi aku mahu menikmatinya selagi ada kesempatan. Berikan aku ruang and peluang.

p.s: rasa rindu..hahah

Rasa Itu Datang Lagi.

Ya, rasa itu datang lagi. Aku gembira dan aku tahu ada getar di hatiku. Aku rasa aman dan damai seperti ketenangan melihat keindahan pantai. Tapi pada masa yang sama aku juga rasa sakit. Sakit yang bisa meruntun jiwa. Sakit itu hadir kerana sedar akan hakikat yang rasa itu bukan hak aku. Mutlaknya pada Tuhan dan aku masih tidak punya hak ke atas nya walaupun untuk secebis rasa. Mungkin aku hanya mampu memberi rasa bahagia itu pada orang lain yang sepatutnya. Biarlah aku menjadi pemerhati yang merasa kesakitan melihat kebahagiaan mereka. Kerana sekurang-kurangnya dari kesakitan itu akan memberi sirna bahagia buatku bilamana dia juga bahagia. Itu yang paling utama.

Cuma apa yang aku terkilan adalah bila sesuatu itu perlu menjadi rahsia antara kita, tetapi kau khabarkan pada yang lain. Aku berusaha menolong dengan ikhlas. Aku tidak meminta balasan jauh sekali pujian. Aku cuma mahukan sang pujaan gembira hatinya. Tolonglah jangan mementingkan diri yang mahu melepaskan diri sendiri tanpa memikirkan hati dan perasaan orang lain.

p.s: walaupun merajuk, tetapi effort anda amat dihargai. mahu tersenyum sepanjang hari...

Pukau ke?

If betol la dompet kau hilang, jatuh tak tahu di mana kenapa kau seperti tidak susah hati. Kalau betol la kau sedari tadi mengekori kami, kenapa kau datang dari arah berlainan. Kalau betol kau datang dari negeri lain dan mahu pulang semula ke negeri kau, kenapa kecil benar beg kau. Kalau benar kau sudah panggil kami, kenapa aku tidak dengar langsung panggilan kau. Kalau benar kau sedang kesusahan, kenapa kau cari pertolongan di tempat gelap. Kenapa tidak kau masuk je Mall yang di hadapan mata kau, yang dalamnya ada ratusan manusia untuk diminta tolong. Kau datang menghampiri kereta kami sebgitu rupa sungguh la mengejutkan dan menakutkan. Nak mintak pertolongan, jangan sampaikan takutkan orang. Nanti orang-orang pun takut nak beri pertolongan. Permintaan kau juga sungguh besar nilainya.

Aku terkejut. Dan, aku gelabah. Alhamdulillah masih dalam keadaan sedar.

p.s: bukan mahu syak wasangka, tapi sekarang ni macam-macam boleh jadi. Maka perlu extra berhati-hati. Be safe everyone!!!

Mempunyai Seorang Kawan Yang Sangat Manja

hahah..seriously tak tipu. kawan yang ini memang la sungguh manja. sampai tak tau nak cakap macam mana kemanjaan beliau. tapi takpe, manja-manja pun kawan aku jugak. tapi beliau ni selalu takmau mengaku dia manja. sape nak ngaku kan..haha. selalunya beliau akan menafikan kenyataan yang beliau sangat manja dengan dalam ayat penyata seperti ini:

"Aku manja? Giler ape manja? Dem!! Ko ni crazy animal la.."

Ala aku tau, dia mesti dah blushing la tu. hahaha..


Anyway, you've just made my night. Thank You!!!

p.s: Allah has just answered my prayers. Alhamdulillah.

my dear lyana

I love you and miss you so much.

p.s: i feel like hugging you.

i miss you

encik2 incubus =)

and, I really do!

The pain in the heart

I am still awake though it is the time that I should be soundly sleeping on the comfortable 'bed'. But, I don't feel like sleeping, yet. It's just that I am feeling heartache at the moment that I cannot let it out. It hurts me whenever I feel this way and I kinda not like it. But again, this is not what I wished for. The feelings will come and go without asking for my permission because absolutely I would not allow them to hurt me over and over again. When it comes to the feelings, I am pretty sure that it is not that easy to be predicted or even to be controlled. Sometimes we can see it coming and we could prepare all the arsenal for it. But, at the other times, we cannot see it coming at all. Not even a glance of it. As for tonight, I was wandering from a blog to another when I encountered this one particular blog. While reading it, I could feel the pain is creeping inside me and its bleeding again. I tried my best and I am still trying. But as saying says time heals, I guess I need lots of time to ease the pain. I really mean it, LOTS OF TIME. Yeah, I know, people will look me down, underestimate me, or even laugh at me saying that I'm a fool and I'm just a laughing stock. But, do they understand me? Do they feel me? As for you know, I didn't ask for it. Not even once. It is natural. It comes from deep inside my heart. I didn't force it at any sense at all. Before it happened, I was all aware and equip that I am sure I won't fall down again. But with Allah wills, and maybe it is one of the lessons for me to learn, I am falling down again up until now, I guess. I want to get up, rise and shine again. It just that it kills me whenever I want to. However, I am pretty sure that I blame anyone for nothing. It is all about me. I admit that I am the one who let it happens, thus, I am responsible for it at any cost. I have to be responsible and taking charge of it. If I want to be happy, I have to be one. I am recovering and hopefully that I will recover soon. Please pray hard for me.

"Takyah ubah, it's okay being you."

"Takpe la hana. I always call you when I have problems je kan. It's okay, I won't trouble you anymore."

How am I supposed to forget about you and all of these? I miss being there and be troubled by you. And, yes, I miss you. (My heart beats faster while I am typing this. tsk. tsk.)

this is it

This is the end. They kissed my hands and even my cheeks. Though the time spent was not that long, but I'm glad to know and facilitate them. It's kinda sad when I finally can initiate their names with their faces but the time's up. There were times that they annoyed me so much that I couldn't stand anymore. But, there were the other sides of them that amazed me. Their kind hearted, naive, empty mindedness somehow made my days. When I was tired and sleepy, they energized me up. They put the smile on my face. They lightened up my days. And, most of all, I learn a lot of things from them. It's just that we, human, will learn to appreciate when the things or people we care are gone. Most of the time, when we have them around us, we will not regard them as we should do. Just after that, we will realized that we have feelings and care towards them. We will never learn the lessons. Pity. So, I guess, my life will be kinda empty after this as I don't have to anticipate with them anymore. Dear all of you, I will always pray the best for your future. No matter whether it is ukulele or guitar, I still love you.