Sunday, October 31, 2010

Sunday Blues

I don't know what should I feel right now. It is rather mixed feelings with absence mind, maybe. I have lots of questions wandering inside my mind that force me to think, digest, think, digest and the cycle goes on. Have you ever fall in love? Or, do you still have your 'bestest' friend with you all the time? These are some of the questions that burden me.

Last night, I was searching for something that I really need to use when I found my stuffs from those days. There are love letters, teddy bears, cards, letters, key chains, photos etc. All of these stuffs has brought me back to all the memories that I have been keeping in a special place in my heart. When I read those cards and letters, I can feel the emotions at that particular moment. Reminiscing those moments made me feel that I am bad. Those people were there during my pitfall.They were there to support me, to encourage me, to brighten up my days. But now, they are not here anymore. Am I not a good lover either a good friend?Maybe I made walls and distance with them. I was not able to appreciate them. And, now it makes sense why they are getting away from me.

Maybe I did not put much effort in maintaining the relationship. It was long distance relationship though we are all in the same country. But I guess the distance has made me forget of who I am. I tried to keep the relationship but  it did not work out the way it should be. And, last night I did a step forward which I asked my 'bestest' friend about this. I hope that something could be done before it is wayyy too late. And seriously I miss those days so much.

At the same time, I am worried that I am going to repeat the same mistakes over and over again. I never learn from my mistakes instead I am aware of it. I don't even know whether this is a choice made by me or it is written for me. I am afraid of losing and I am very fragile at it. I can be someone that I myself don't even know. A weak person. As for now, it hurts me. A lot.  All of it.

p.s: Can I just wait and see what will happen next??

p.s.s: I miss you.

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