Monday, September 17, 2012

My Kind of True Love

This entry is inspired from Maria Elena's entry on  TRUE LOVE.

It is very sad reading her story about her Arwah Tok and Tokwan. How fond their feeling is and how true is their love. It reminds of my grandparents.

I lost both of my grandparents last year. My grandma has passed away on 12th April 2011 and followed by by grandpa 2 months later on 7th June 2011. The gap was just 2 months. Can you imagine the sadness that we gone through? It was devastating I can tell. They both died exactly on the same day which is Tuesday and around the same time 6.50-ish in the morning.

If you asked me what are some of the things I regret the most, my answer would definitely be this. Yes I do agree there are other things I would turn my time for but this is one of it. I was not there for my Allahyarhamah Opah during her last breath. Even during that time I was on my holiday but I was at my house in Ipoh which about 40 minutes away from kampung.

The day before it happened, I did not sleep the whole night and I was about to be in my deep slumber. Suddenly my sister woke me up with the sound of  'I-don't-know-how-to-explain' but I know something bad has happened. When she uttered the news, I was taken aback. My heartbeat ran faster than its usual. I wanted to cry and after a few seconds I cried hard. Seriously, I cried hard like there's no tomorrow for me. To be honest, I didn't expect this to be happened because my Allahyarham Tok, the one who was in critical condition at that time while my Allahyarhamah Opah  was being just fine and happy go lucky. We, the whole family agreed that maybe she was too tired of taking care the husband that Allah let her go first. huhu.

Every time I am sad over this, I definitely remember the last time I met her was a week before she passed away. But on that last day, I don't know why but I didn't spend my quality time with her instead I went to stay at my aunt's house. When the time I was about to go back, I went to see and hug her tight. I whispered to her that 'I love you so much Opah, you do know about that right' and she smiled from ear to ear. That would be my last memory. Sobs. T-T

That day, when we were on our way to kampung, I cried the whole journey. My eyes are really puffy from crying but I don't care. My Opah has not arrived from hospital yet and nobody informed my Tok yet. So my sisters and I took the responsibility to tell him. That was like 2 hours later. He was like too composed over the news. He did not able to see well enough due to cataracts but we know that he was very sad. We could see tears running down and he slowly wiped the tears. He kept saying 'Opah is not here anymore. Opah is not here anymore'. Later, when my Opah is ready to be buried, my Tok initially refused to see her for the last time. My Tok was not well that he used walking stick to walk. So he used that for an excuse. But we know that he was just made it up because he was too sad. However, we don't want him to regret later that all the son in laws and grandsons carried him to give his last kiss. He cried.

Thus, after that day, I am determined to be with my Tok when he needed me the most. Even I am working but whenever my help was needed, I would be rushing back. I promised not to let him go as what I did to my Opah. Though I work at Kedah which takes about 2 and half hours of driving, I would do anything for him. At one time, nobody was available to look after him at the hospital so I decided to take over. I rushed back using the dark, damaged, 'jalan lama' which has palm oil plantation along the road. Alone at night. Honestly I was scared but very determined to be there before 9pm or else my Tok will be alone at the hospital. Alhamdulillah I safely arrived before 9pm and accompanied him until the next day.

During the two months gap, I was like nervous all the time. Everytime I got a text or call from my mother or anybody from the family I will be very nervous. Afraid to receive another bad news, not ready yet. Until the time for him to go. At that time I was on my leave and I decided to look after him at the hospital. All the family members were at the hospital but they were not allowed to be at the bed. They had to be waiting at the waiting room. So we were like having picnic at the hospital and we just went back to freshen up. I think it's fated to be that out of other nights everybody was too tired and decided to go back for a while. Some of us, my mother, my aunt and I, insisted to wait at the hospital. We stayed there and just went out by turn to go to the toilet, eat, freshen up or even praying. We did not even get some sleep.

At that time, he could not speak anymore. He wore the oxygen mask. We taught him to recite Syahadah, Zikir. I was very happy when my Allahyarham Tok repeated after me when I taught him to recite Syahadah. He was okay until dawn approached suddenly I was weird to point out his breathing becoming too weak.  We were too panic and called the nurses and the doctors. Everybody started to cry as we had the feeling that this is the time. We keep on informing the rest of the family the updates while the doctors and nurses were trying to do something. They asked us to move away from the bed. They even closed the curtain to do some procedures. And that's it. They announced his death.

Again, I cried terribly like there's no tomorrow for me even that time around I was there to witness him and be more prepared . But this kind of thing, I could not hold my self even how prepared we are. I did all the procedures like signed, booked for ambulance and waited for them to send him home. I drove faster and not bother of the speed limit etc to chase the ambulance. At home, everybody was prepared and there were many people has been waiting for us. There and then, I was able to be composed. Alhamdulillah everything was done that day. Both of them were able to be side by side till the end of their life even at the graveyard.

Allahyarhamah Opah passed away at the age of 73 years old and Allahyarham Tok passed away at the age of 75 years old. They have been married for more than 50 years. Though they argued but we know that they love and care for each other. Losing someone that is so dear definitely give great impact. Allahyarham Tok was greatly saddened by the death of my Allahyarhamah Opah that he followed the footstep 2 months later. Nothing could cheer us up other than the thoughts that he would not be suffered anymore.

This is me with Allahyarhamah Opah.

 Our last Aidilfitri together with them two years ago. 2010.

This is their home now. 
No.52 is my Allahyarhamah Opah.
No.55 is my Allahyarham Tok.

Nothing is the same without you.
We miss you both, still.

Previous entry on Opah and Tok


  1. :( they will have a better life in next

  2. waduh boso linggis yo.. pontang panting cari translator dulu ya.. maaf nih jadi kaya2 nyampah gini :( hiks

  3. huhu sedih :( salam takziah buat hanna sekeluarga. semoga tabah menghadapinya. arwah atok dan nenek saya meninggal masa kecik lagi. jadi tidak ada kenanagan yang boleh diingati bersama. hanna beruntung kerana dapat merasa tu semua :)

  4. Roslita: thanks awak. Takziah untuk awak sekeluarga juge.

  5. miss, sedihnya. :'( teringat arwah tok n tokwan saya. al-fatihah.

  6. Izzi dear. Thanks a lot. Al-fatihah for them as well. Yep, I am still sad over the fact that I had lost them. They raised me well that I will love and miss them forever. Sobs.

  7. takziah:( i also feel the same Allahyarham tok died last year,n still sad until now.

  8. takziah,feel the same here:'( my Allahyarham tok passed away years ago.feeling badly sad.remember our memories together when i was on my childhood.btw,ur story was so feeling .

    1. Thanks dear.. Takziah to u too. I am still holding on to their memories as well. But I believe that what best for them. Let's hope they are in better place. Al-fatihah.

      Thanks again for dropping by and read my humble story. Thanksss!! Much love!


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